It has been said over and over again that “Comparison is the thief of joy.” I feel as though it’s a phrase that when read makes a lot of sense but when put into practice, becomes obsolete. Every day we wake up, get dressed, look in the mirror (decide whether it’ll do or I look amazing) and then dive into a world full of beautiful people. I don’t know about you all but I live and work in a place where I am constantly surrounded by gorgeous, talented, hard-working individuals and sometimes it’s hard.

Last year was my first year out of undergrad and I remember struggling at times with my appearance. I don’t talk about my faults, failures or struggles often but as I reflect back on this year, where I am now and the current state of the media, I feel the need to voice my opinion. Last year I found myself comparing myself to some of my coworkers… She has so many friends! (Well, so do you!) She looks great in everything she wears! (Well you have great style too!) She’s so skinny. (You have a great body as well! Have you looked in the mirror lately?) She has a boyfriend! (You don’t even want a partner right now).

I feel as though the examples I mentioned are things that we experience every day. There’s this emphasis on the way that people look and with that comes the correlation between how they look and how people perceive them to be. And like an Instagram filter, not everything’s as it seems. Granted there’s always going to be someone prettier than you or “more intelligent” or more well-liked or more talented than you but that’s not what matters. What matters is how you perceive yourself, who you are as a person and how you present yourself to the world. As long as you have confidence in yourself you’ll be fine.

I think that this notion of confidence is something that was bred into me from a young age. My parents always told me that I could be whatever I wanted and my mom has always emphasized my talents and helped me to further cultivate them. When I was growing up she kept telling me that not everyone was going to like me in an effort to help me curb my people-pleasing tendencies. I thank her for that because although it didn’t fully click until my senior year of high school, it definitely helped me to navigate the waters of university as well as the real world.

Today I am well aware that not everyone is going to like me and that doesn’t phase me. What matters most is that I am true to myself and know who I am. People are always going to have something to say about you, either negative or positive, but as long as you are true to yourself and as long as you put who you really are out there, that’s okay. At the end of the day you just have to live your life.

But I digress, confidence is something that we tell everyone to have but something that we are also a bit skeptical of. That’s partially why I love The Mindy Project so much. Mindy has such a strong sense of who she is and her incredible confidence (at times to the point of hilarious denial) rubs off on me when watching. This is why when I’m feeling down at times, I turn to the show. It’s the perfect pick-me up because here is a beautiful woman of color whom societally speaking should have low self-esteem based on her body type but who is absolutely gorgeous inside and out and knows it. She’s not afraid to be who she is, take fashion risks and just live.

Honestly, the shows reminds me of Ugly Betty a little bit in that sense. America Ferrera is stunning and her portrayal of Betty was fantastic. Betty was never actually ugly but in the world of high class fashion, she was far from their standard of beautiful (correction: our standard of beautiful). But the point is, there’s no single image of what is beautiful or right. We all have our own unique traits that make us who we are and beauty is truly only skin deep. When we leave this world we don’t get to take our physical beauty with us.

I’ve learned that the only person I should be comparing myself to is… myself. There was a time where I was thinner than I am now (or so I think) but I wasn’t eating super healthy, I was always counting my calories for weight loss (versus looking at my nutritional values) and I was miserable. Now I’m healthy, strong and realizing that with time comes results. A quick fix means a quick relapse into bad habits but if you take the time to really give your body everything it needs then you’ll be set for life. I’ve learned to appreciate my body not just for how it looks but also for what it does for me. The human body has so many amazing functions that we never really think about because it’s just how we live. You’re literally in this machine that runs on food, water and air and performs according to how you take care of it.

The only time we really stop to appreciate our body’s function is when something goes wrong. When we’re sick, have an infection or we sprain or break something, that’s when we think oh wow, should’ve drank more water – and that’s too bad. We should appreciate our bodies every day.

Someone once told me “You are the only person who gets to look like Morgan” and it stuck with me so much that I have it saved on a sticky note. When I’m feeling down I re-read that and thank God that he made me how I am. I may never have the body type that I see everywhere and that is totally okay. As long as I’m healthy and strong and I can complete my half marathon training, weight lifting sessions and learn to bend into a pretzel, I’m satisfied. Fitness is a journey and it should not be rushed.

We should be competing against ourselves in the healthiest of ways, comparing ourselves to how we used to look and feel months ago, but even yesterday. We are unique beings and the more we wish that we could look different, the unhappier we’ll be. So please start learning how to accept yourself for who you are and how you look now. There’s no time better than the present.

xxMorgan