When you know you know – but what if it’s one-sided?

I’m often told that I’m confident and bold and I would agree but when it comes to revealing that this ice queen can actually have romantic feelings for someone, it’s hard. I have feelings for my best friend and I’m at a loss of what to do. Some may say that I royally screwed it up a few years ago in college but I’d argue that I was living my life and I had no idea that there could have been something between us.

I’ve told plenty of guys that I have feelings for them and it was harder to say something to some than others but it always came out. Now it’s different. I care about this person more than I’ve cared about the others. I want them in my life whether or not they return my feelings. And I think that’s why I’m holding off from saying anything, because if I say something things may not go back to the way they were before. If I say something it’s going to be extremely awkward either way and I’m worried that we may not be strong enough to get through that awkwardness for a while. I’m worried that I’m going to lose what I feel I worked so hard to rebuild.

And even if I know, what if he doesn’t? It’s my biggest fear – the fear of being rejected when I’m already in so deep. I know that love is about taking risks so I think there will come a time when I need to take that leap, but for now I’ll continue to play the waiting game.